Monster Inside Us


What do you do when you messed up?

Do you slump for days? Or do you locked yourself in your room thinking what you shouldn’t do to mess up? Or do you put the blames of your messed up shit on others so that you’re not a lonely messed up mess? Or do you spend hours listening to music because they definitely say the exact words that nobody could offer when you needed the most? Or do you watch a reality shows that you already know scripted and fake (but you watch it anyway) and start questioning your life why don’t you in theirs position, living life? Or do you do just like most people say ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ ?

The thing is, when you messed up something as a growing teenager, you will definitely hope that ground would swallow you whole so that you will never have to deal with the consequences of you messed up mess. Let’s just say you got lots to deal with: parents, lecturer, friends, siblings, aunts, cousins, the society. 

There’s time when I was giving up on myself and did something stupid which upset both my parents. But that the only way out I knew back then. Not that I now know ‘the best way’ to deal with shits I’m in because I still am struggling to deal with it. If you ask me, who do I blame for my messed up mess?

I blame the monster inside my head. They always have this perfect timing when to come out and play. They always know exactly what to do when I completely taken back by the situations I’m in. They are like living in a big committee in me and gang up against me and my rational brain in every decision I have to make to which they always find their way to win.

And they won, at the most crucial times. Leaving me and my brain to decipher how huge mess that they just created for us to deal with next until they decided to come out to play again. 
Fucking hell.


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